I am completely and utterly unhappy with myself. For anyone who is uninterested in reading something resembling a stereotypical emo rant, avert your eyes.

I've become so disillusioned with numerous things related to this site, especially some of my actions towards people. It's largely because I've become dissatisfied with my position, which I know will not change until I begin submitting things. However, that day is still some ways off. I can't bring myself to do anything artistic unless it's up to high standards and will be noticed by members of the community. Furthermore, I can't do anything unless it's up to my standards that I have set for myself. And I'm not even close to meeting those standards.

I used to idolize artists on here and on FurAffinity. However, that was the problem...I idolized them. Sure, you can have something to look up to, but...I felt like my "appreciation" of their works bordered on the fanatical. In the process, I virtually went insane. I have a nearly unavoidable tendency to act like a dick in various situations. I just can't control it. I would blame it on the online disinhibition effect (look it up on Wikipedia), but I know I can't. I'd just look like a douchebag. And I know I already look like one to numerous people.

If I was to publicly apologize for past actions, no one would believe me. Besides, they'd all be too busy doing something else. But for my sake, I know that apologizing wouldn't fix anything. I'm a person who wants immediate results. I'm impatient.

I don't know what else there is to say. To people on my friends list who have added me to their own friends list, I wish I could say I am sorry, but I know that won't change your opinion of my online persona. No one on the internet truly knows one another via textual communication. One can only understand the recipient of their comments if they've talked to each other in real-life situations. I only know a few people on here from my everyday life, so they're the only ones that I can identify with. I feel disassociated with other people, so I think my rationality escapes me often.

I'm considering leaving this account for a new one. Sure, it's a pathetic attempt to "start over," but that's one of the few options I have left. Desperation doesn't accurately describe my mood.

I would go on to describe how these occurrences affect my actual attitude, but I'm not interested in boring anyone right now. I'm unhappy, that's all I need to say to express a general range of thoughts and emotions.

I need to stay away from Deviant Art for a few weeks or months. For that matter, please avoid trying to contact me on here. If you really want or feel like saying anything to me regarding this or anything, send an email to epicpanda7@gmail.com. I will not access this site until I've managed to straighten things out.